UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
• Do not machine wash or tumble dry means I will never wash this - ever.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my last 5 cents everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!